Isn't that kinda sucky? I mean both the point I am freaking trying to bring across in this random crap and the essay itself.
I want and I need a decent blogskin *screams*
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Inspirations lay dead in my hands.@ 1:20 PM
I always get lots of inspirations when I bathe. Weird eh?
The one I got today is: 心里的钥匙 (The key in your heart)
I have all the time in the world to mess with my laptop, yet no time to even write out a short, decent poem from my dearest inspirations. They always lay dead in my evil hands.
I'm sorry, inspirations. I just can't bring the beauty out in them to the fullest. Sighs.
Other than French class in school, the rest of the day is simply fucked up.
Waited for 33 fucking minutes just for ONE single bus to come. And I do not mean my bus. I mean ANY bus. The bus stop downstairs my house just SUCKS. Reached school at 8.30am (I think) when I usually (and can) reach school at about 8am. Godammit.
French test was easy. Like shit. And I mean it.
Realised I could possibly get home from school within 30 minutes by bus after French. It's just amazingly fast for me.
I shall not elaborate on the rest of the day. In short it sucks.
My mum loves wasting money eh. $500 can fucking get me a 80GB iPod, or at least a handphone which makes me slightly more civillised.
Projects remaining: 1) English Portfolio. How much more sucky could it be. For me. 2) English Reading Project. I shall not comment.
I wish I could slap her hard across the face. She totally deserves it.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Shut up already.@ 8:17 PM
CAN YOU PEOPLE LIKE PLEASE FUCKING SHUT UP ALREADY?! SO WHAT THE FUCK IF I FUCKING JOINED CHINESE ORCHESTRA? SO WHAT IF YAN SHENG IS IN CHINESE ORCHESTRA?! STOP FUCKING SAYING THAT I JOIN CO BECAUSE OF HIM. I AM NOT THOSE WHO BUGS AROUND HIM AND COMPLETELY LEECHES ON HIM. I FUCKING HAVE MY OWN DREAMS, I FUCKING HAVE MY OWN INTERESTS, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT.
SO PEOPLE FUCKING SHUT UP AND FUCKING STOP SAYING THAT I GO TO CO JUST BECAUSE OF YAN SHENG ALREADY! LIKE PLEASE FUCKING SHUT UP!
AND YES TRICIA I KNOW YOU WOULD FUCKING ASKING ME TO CALM DOWN BUT NO. YES I AM A FUCKING BITCH WHO DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO FUCKING CONTROL HERSELF, LEAVE ME TO DIE AND DECOMPOSE ALREADY.
South Park in school XD@ 3:49 PM
Woohoo! I can access South Park in school! *reminds readers of the screenshot*
Blogging in school now, Track ended darn early. And my parents will only be back at around 7.30pm -.- and no, I am so not going home before that.
My bad temper's back, reason unknown.
Once again I installed Audition (and uninstalled it) because Qinxi was telling me how laggy my laptop appeared to be when Yan Sheng and Ting Ting were using it.
There are times, when I wonder what the fuck I am doing here, when I am supposed to study. Like, study.
Yan Sheng does not seem to be happy about me joining CO. Maybe I should have joined drama...?
Anyway thanks to Qinxi for telling me about C Cleaner. It's good XD
...I just wonder how the hell do I get motivation to write down all my inspirations. I need motivation, I want motivation. Someone give me that.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
AuditionSEA?!@ 3:27 AM
I was bored, luh. Playing o2jam early in the morning sucks. The number of players is pathetic. Very. Therefore I downloaded AuditionSEA. And the first thing they tell me is "Connection to server failed". 他妈的server error.
Should have bought more chemistry assessment books instead of math. Now I'm so gonna die for Lewis structures. Gonna find quizzes online to do.
Sometimes I feel like a porcelain doll.
Breakdowns@ 12:16 AM
I realised. I realised that in September 2007 I actually got like 3 complete breakdowns.
Zoo Tycoon is a nice way to waste time. Trust me. I was completely sleepless last morning, so I played Zoo Tycoon till 5am. And then I woke up at 7.20am. Ahaha.
Thank god my nose did not fall off. The flu and stuff were killing me.
Show me what it's like to dream in black and white, so I can leave this world tonight.--Unknown Soldier, Breaking Benjamin.
If it's a dream, remember it. If it's reality, appreciate it. In other words, be thankful no matter what. That's how I think. Hmm...
May be posting up some hurtful philosophical stuff in the next post.
Friday, March 21, 2008
True self@ 6:14 AM
So, you finally seen my true self huh.
Yes, I am someone who only wants attention, who only cries because she wants someone to hold her hand and that's all, who only knows how to worry her friends even more by running into the toilet, who only knows how to leech on other people's work and not researching at all, who only knows how to hear words of comfort and nothing else.
All these, all these, should be enough of you to hate me now. Or at least realise who I really am.
I'm sorry (actually I'm not sorry at all), but I'm just a lie, a mistake.
So there.
I just want your attention, really. There is nothing happening to me at all in fact. There is nothing disturbing on my mind at all! Everday I wake up and I come to school, everyday I return home and I go to sleep. There is nothing wrong with me at all! Don't you get it, I'm just a smaller version of a bitch.
So I just look that pitiful huh. Sorry, but I'm the wrong person. I hope it's not too later for you to realise this?
"Although I do realise something too. Which makes it more screwed up for me."
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Whee~~~@ 8:06 PM
The new South Park episode talks about the four boys bringing Britney Spears to the North Pole, and they reveal the secret behind her popularity...
Suddenly everything seems like it's just a nightmare. What if it's not? What if it's not a nightmare, but reality?
"I would love to lie down on that patch of grass, and count the number of stars in the night sky with you."
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Evil Angel@ 8:21 PM
Evil Angel--Breaking Benjamin Hold it together. Birds of a feather. Nothing but lies and crooked wings. I have the answer. Spreading the cancer. You are the faith inside me. No, Don't, leave me to die here. Help me survive here, alone. Don't Remember! Remember!
Put me to sleep, Evil Angel. Open your wings, Evil Angel. (Ahhh)
I'm a believer. Nothing could be worse. All these imaginary friends. Hiding betrayal. Driving the nail. Hoping to find a savior. No, don't, leave me to die here. Help me survive here, alone. Don't Surrender! Surrender!
Put me to sleep, Evil Angel. Open your wings, Evil Angel. (oohh) Fly over me, Evil Angel. Why can't I breathe, Evil Angel?
Put me to sleep, Evil Angel. Open your wings, Evil Angel. (oohh) Fly over me, Evil Angel. Why can't I breathe, Evil Angel?
The lyrics are just nice.
Will it ever end? It happened again, yes, it's the almost same situation, but this time there's no more hope. It's only doom, no matter what. It's only a matter of time. It's always a matter of time. Always.
Someone send me the full Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz and Symphony No. 3 in F Major by Brahms! Like please!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Don't dare to...@ 8:48 PM
I don't dare to think, I don't dare to talk, I don't dare to even type, I don't dare to even breathe.
That's how scary it is.
I tried my best to heed someone's advice and not to think about anything at all, but...it's just so hard. Everytime I tell myself not to think, everytime I think even more instead.
Suddenly I'm grateful for the love. I'm very grateful. Perhaps because he's been there for so long I actually I don't realise how blessed I am compared to other people.
"If I could, I want, and I will, lean onto your shoulder. Would you let me sleep on your shoulder?"
Ting introduced this movie to me, and well...I cried for 75% of the movie at least. The song at the end of the movie is nice, me want download T.T
EDIT: Just got it! It's called Tabidachi no Uta by Mr Children. Nice nice!=)
Me want to know who's the main character in the movie called. Cool white hair!!!
And yes, tonight I managed not to sleep! Feel like getting some Mcdonalds Delivery...McSpicy! XD
Friday, March 14, 2008
Shaman king!@ 8:55 PM
Lol Shaman King is nice. Interesting! *Only Manta always has this biiiiiiiiiiig mouth when he is surprised XD*
"One while I am pressing against the window and looking at the rain, the next while I realise there is no window and I am flying down the building."
I hope these daily "suicidal" thoughts -.- will let you get used to my blog.
I realised the day's coming soon, I haven't finish them yet, I so need to chiong, or else I will regret it!
South Park fans seem to expect a lot from the new season episode. Ratings are only 4.1/5.0 up to now. I say this because really good ones get 4.5/5.0.
Thanks to some people I'm beginning to like manga...goodness.
These days I'm sleeping more and more...in the afternoon. Like this how am I gonna survive Chinese on Monday?! *Yes March holidays, we know you are very short, and that is why we actually want to thank you for being so short.*
Trust me, people will be dying during the June holidays (not for those who get overseas trips...so lucky.)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
SP!@ 3:43 PM
SOUTH PARK ROCKS!
To cure AIDS with concentrate cash. Wow.
SOUTH PARK STILL ROCKS!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Why are you stuck in my mind...?@ 5:36 PM
Why is my heart aching?
Because I realised I have to redo all the music quizzes again tomorrow just because it's due ON that day?
Because I realised that it's not the end?
Because I realised I realised too many things I shouldn't be realising for my age?
Because I realised that I realised what I shouldn't and did not realise what I should?
I feel like a joker of life. Oh how much I suck at cracking up jokes that are not even in the least lame.
1 day 16 hours to South Park Season 12, by the way.
UPDATE: 1 day 15 hours to South Park now. New episode information is out! Like YAY!
Shit I became fat. All the fats are showing up. Shit. Feeling fat sucks.
In love, remembering and forgetting are not what they seem to be.
"You are still in my heart. Which is why it hurts so much."
Monday, March 10, 2008
I need...@ 11:37 PM
I seriously don't know how long it will still last. I just need...I don't know? Someone? Anyone? No one?
How much I had wished to give you a reassurance. How much I had wished to stop letting you worry. But, I just can't.
"I'm afraid I'd become dependant of him. He still has his path to go, he still has his things to focus on...Wait, why am I saying the same things over and over again?"
I stare out of the window and...@ 1:07 PM
2 days 20 hours to South Park Season 12. I simply can't wait.
How good would it be if the cause of my death is "Self-deception".
All these is pressing down on me, how long can I withstand this pressure which keeps mocking at me for not being able to find it? I feel it, I cannot find it.
I look at her, I don't know how to help. I look at him, I don't know how to apologise. I look at all my friends, I don't know how to smile. I look at myself, I don't know what to do.
My mind is deceiving me, I know. My mind is soon gonna overtake my body.
"No matter how bad I feel, I still try my best to smile for you. But I just can't. I just hope you don't notice my tears. I just hope you don't notice the pain in me. Go your way, leave me alone. You can't possibly stay for me forever. I can't possibly let you comfort me every single time. It's time I handle it myself."
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Depression...?@ 7:30 PM
I keep telling myself this is impossible. I keep telling myself that there must be a way.
Everytime I look at it, I feel tears down my cheek. Everytime I think of it, I feel my heart beating like hell.
But what if it is destiny for me to let him go?
"Everytime I tell myself, this should be the end of it. I should let go of you after so long. But when I see you smile, when I feel your existence, I do not bear to let you go. I just do not bear. I am just so selfish, ain't I?"
Stories@ 10:41 AM
I listened in amusement as my mum tells me the story of my dad buying a soft-toy cat before going back to find her. According to my mum the cat looks like my dad.
So I asked her if it looks like me, and she says yes.
It's time to cheer, after moments of depression.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
RIP@ 9:32 PM
Family blog's dead. Private blog's dead. Yuan Han's blog's dead. Yan Sheng's blog's dead. Mine is actively dead.
Will blogskin makers stop making stupid blogskins about balloons and start making blogskins about math and science and acids? (Well, one did, and that's all I know)
Will people stop smoking so that health screening won't have stupid questions like "Did you smoke before?"
Will people shut up about me on Youtube or blogs or whatever fucking crap you can think of and just slap me like I'm a bitch?
Will people stop asking me to smile for the sake of smiling and just let me die in my illusions filled with love, dreams, math and nothing else?
If I live just to smile for other people, might as well skin my face off, stick it on that oily and sticky face of yours and smile all you want. If my face is unfortunately smelly, good luck to you.
I should add this to my wishlist: Death caused by consumption of flourosulfuric acid.
4 days to Season 12 of South Park. They should be more sadistic, hopefully.
Zombies have a miserable life, but isn't that what they live for? They live in order to have a miserable life. Ahaha. What a tragedy.
Once again, fuck off.
"Oh isn't she such a bitch? Look at her, she thinks she deserves him? Right. I wonder what is going on in his mind."
Friday, March 7, 2008
"Reflections"@ 9:57 PM
Not exactly reflections, more like brief feelings about random things.
1) When I heard about the 21 projects getting into the finals for the Science Centre thingy, I realised that the future is damn challenging.
2) When I was drawing my mind map for history, I realised that I should start revising, like now, before my brain lags behind all the freaking information hand-written by me in font size 10.
3) When I was writing my english essay, I realised that I am not Tricia or Su Hang or Yu Jia.
4) When I was eating my lunch, I realised that my bad temper from Primary 2 is back.
5) When Mr Lee was giving out the invitations to those who according to him, scored very high for AMC, I wondered whether they got distinction. Rembering the fact that I was 1 mark away from distinction, that is.
6) When I was rushing towards the Geog Elective classroom, I realised how much I don't look forward to this module.
7) When I was rushing for Track, I realised how much I don't look forward to Track.
8) When I was running the warm-up round for Track, I realised music does help to motivate people due to their lyrics.
9) When I got chased out by my direct junior as I got in the hall after Track, I realised that hating somene is universal.
10) When I was smashing my keyboard for o2mania from 6.20pm to 8pm in the school concourse today, I realised my fingers take a long, long time to warm up.
11) When Gregory Lau was asking me to take CO as second CCA this year and make it my main CCA next year, I was reminded of how stupid I was to listen to him and not join CO.
12) When I printed out what someone had asked me to print out, I stare at the piece of paper with weird questions imprinted on it and wondered why the hell I printed it out, what the hell I was thinking and reading all this while.
13) When I looked at the qualifying test, I realised I'm hopeless. And that I saved $4500, which is just enough to pay for the tuition cost for 6 credit hours for an undergraduate in Adelphi University. In Georgia State University it's $4994.
14) When I recalled myself doing Geometry on the bus 2 days before, I realised I still like Math the most. After primary school, the Math inside me has finally awoken, that is.
15) When I was typing this, I realised how demoralizing I can be. To myself.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
很大的洞@ 11:08 PM
那洞大得像陨石坑似的。
I became Jay Chou in FPS, so it's like..."Konichiwa, bo ku wa, 周杰伦 des."
I seriously don't know how the hell I looked like when I did that. Someone help me take photo tommorrow.
Come Home--One Republic [Verse 1]
Hello world Hope you're listening Forgive me if I`m young For speaking out of turn There`s someone I`ve been missing I think that they could be The better half of me They`re in their own place trying to make it right But I`m tired of justifying So i say you`ll..
[Chorus] Come home Come home Cause I`ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I`ve ever known So come home Oooh
[Verse 2] I get lost in the beauty Of everything i see The world ain`t as half as bad As they paint it to be If all the sons If all the daughters Stopped to take it in Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin It might start now..Yeahh Well maybe I`m just dreaming out loud Until then
[Chorus] Come home Come home Cause I`ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I`ve ever known Ever known So come home Oooh
[Interlude] Everything i can`t be Is everything you should be And that`s why i need you here Everything i can`t be Is everything you should be And that`s why i need you here So hear this now
[Chorus} Come home Come home Cause I`ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I`ve ever known Ever known So come home Come home
All Fall Down--One Republic
Step out the door and it feels like rain That's the sound (that's the sound) on your window pane Take to the streets but you can't ignore That's the sound (that's the sound) you're waiting for
If ever your world starts crashing down Whenever your world starts crashing down Whenever your world starts crashing down That's where you'll find me
Yeah God love your soul and your aching bones Take a breath, take a step, meet me down below Everyone's the same our fingers to our toes We just can't get it right But we're on the road
If ever your will starts crashing down Whenever your will starts crashing down Whenever your will starts crashing down That's when you find me.
(Yeah) Lost till you're found Swim till you drown
Know that we all fall down Love till you hate Strong till you break Know that we all fall down
If ever your will starts crashing down Whenever your will starts crashing down If ever your will starts crashing down That's when you'll find (find) me
Lost till you're found Swim till you drown Know that we all fall down Love till you hate Strong till you break Know that we all fall down
All fall down, we all fall down, all fall down We all fall down, all fall down, all fall down
Lost till you're found Swim till you drown Know that we all fall down Love till you hate Strong till you break Know that we all fall down
No, I don't feel like sleeping at all. Even though I know I always say this, I always don't want to sleep, I always lie down on the stupid bed and fall asleep. I still don't feel like sleeping at all.
Isn't it time for another collaspe? Isn't it time for the heart to disassemble again?
I'm just fucking irritated these days. Now just fuck off.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
WTF@ 4:06 PM
I would need like $256 to buy all the Muderous Math books I found in Jurong East Popular Bookshop.
I feel cursed. More like people are cursed upon me. For more details, please feel free to not ask me.
Screwed for Physics test. In advance.
I chased myself out of the auditorium voluntarily, fearing that the damn fierce person will chase me out of the auditorium again. And, if he remembers me, die die.
Do they allow people to sit in? Do they allow poor wandering souls like me to have a temporary place to hang out, and appreciate the feelings of mankind? Do they allow aliens like me, who just wants to know someone, something, somewhere, to stay there for a short while before I return to my little planet, far far away from Earth?
Set The Fire To The Third Bar (with Martha Wainwright) lyrics
I find the map and draw a straight line Over rivers, farms, and state lines The distance from here to where you'd be It's only finger-lengths that I see I touch the place where I'd find your face My finger in creases of distant dark places
I hang my coat up in the first bar There is no peace that I've found so far The laughter penetrates my silence As drunken men find flaws in science
Their words mostly noises Ghosts with just voices Your words in my memory Are like music to me
I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground And I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms
After I have travelled so far We'd set the fire to the third bar We'd share each other like an island Until exhausted, close our eyelids And dreaming, pick up from The last place we left off Your soft skin is weeping A joy you can't keep in
I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground And I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms
And miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground And I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms
What is my aim, what do I yearn to achieve, by staying in school all the way till 7.15pm? What will be the outcome, what will be my fate, after I had stayed in school all the way till 7.15pm? I do not have an answer. You do not have the answer. We all do not have an asnwer.
Frozen hands, melting snow.
Who are we to decide fate? We do not decide fate. We ourselves is the fate. To live, or to die. The fate, is us.
My brain juices have been greatly not exploited on.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
After the leap day@ 9:50 PM
1st March. Right.
Yesterday was the last day we can go to Mcdonalds and crap and stuff, and so Wei Ren, Amanda and me went there for the last time ): (Yes, only 3 people, because Yan Sheng's dad came to fetch him T.T)
We had the first lick of the last vanilla cone (me), first two bites of last hamburger, etc, all recorded in photos. We even had one minute of silence. >.<. We also took a picture of our feet stepping out of Mcdonalds, and the poster about McDonalds closing down.
Sighs. Memories man, memories. McSpicy meal! Vanilla cones! All gone! Now the nearest place to get these for me is JEC=.=
Got French test today. Managable, except the part about using 4 or 5 prepositions to describe your bedroom. Then Dayna (I think), was like...must it be logical? Madame said yes, but I still asked her if I can have a computer under my bed, and she said no :(
I was planning to have penguins under my bed.
Who cares, French test was actually fun, though I forgot all the conjugations. Again.
Favourite artists: LINKIN PARK! Jay Chou. Evanescence. Snow Patrol. One Republic Boys Like Girls Eminem Slipknot Dragonforce *waiting to be influenced by more people* XD
Dedicated to people like Wei Ren: Linkin Park still pwns the most, I don't care, they are the only band which makes me scream. So there.
About the Author
Writing my life story with my blood and tears
* Name: Tan Yong Ying
* School: NUS High School of Math & Science
* Class: M07106, M08206, M09304
* House: Faraday
Isn't that kinda sucky? I mean both the point I am freaking trying to bring across in this random crap and the essay itself.
I want and I need a decent blogskin *screams*
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Inspirations lay dead in my hands.@ 1:20 PM
I always get lots of inspirations when I bathe. Weird eh?
The one I got today is: 心里的钥匙 (The key in your heart)
I have all the time in the world to mess with my laptop, yet no time to even write out a short, decent poem from my dearest inspirations. They always lay dead in my evil hands.
I'm sorry, inspirations. I just can't bring the beauty out in them to the fullest. Sighs.
Other than French class in school, the rest of the day is simply fucked up.
Waited for 33 fucking minutes just for ONE single bus to come. And I do not mean my bus. I mean ANY bus. The bus stop downstairs my house just SUCKS. Reached school at 8.30am (I think) when I usually (and can) reach school at about 8am. Godammit.
French test was easy. Like shit. And I mean it.
Realised I could possibly get home from school within 30 minutes by bus after French. It's just amazingly fast for me.
I shall not elaborate on the rest of the day. In short it sucks.
My mum loves wasting money eh. $500 can fucking get me a 80GB iPod, or at least a handphone which makes me slightly more civillised.
Projects remaining: 1) English Portfolio. How much more sucky could it be. For me. 2) English Reading Project. I shall not comment.
I wish I could slap her hard across the face. She totally deserves it.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Shut up already.@ 8:17 PM
CAN YOU PEOPLE LIKE PLEASE FUCKING SHUT UP ALREADY?! SO WHAT THE FUCK IF I FUCKING JOINED CHINESE ORCHESTRA? SO WHAT IF YAN SHENG IS IN CHINESE ORCHESTRA?! STOP FUCKING SAYING THAT I JOIN CO BECAUSE OF HIM. I AM NOT THOSE WHO BUGS AROUND HIM AND COMPLETELY LEECHES ON HIM. I FUCKING HAVE MY OWN DREAMS, I FUCKING HAVE MY OWN INTERESTS, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THAT.
SO PEOPLE FUCKING SHUT UP AND FUCKING STOP SAYING THAT I GO TO CO JUST BECAUSE OF YAN SHENG ALREADY! LIKE PLEASE FUCKING SHUT UP!
AND YES TRICIA I KNOW YOU WOULD FUCKING ASKING ME TO CALM DOWN BUT NO. YES I AM A FUCKING BITCH WHO DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO FUCKING CONTROL HERSELF, LEAVE ME TO DIE AND DECOMPOSE ALREADY.
South Park in school XD@ 3:49 PM
Woohoo! I can access South Park in school! *reminds readers of the screenshot*
Blogging in school now, Track ended darn early. And my parents will only be back at around 7.30pm -.- and no, I am so not going home before that.
My bad temper's back, reason unknown.
Once again I installed Audition (and uninstalled it) because Qinxi was telling me how laggy my laptop appeared to be when Yan Sheng and Ting Ting were using it.
There are times, when I wonder what the fuck I am doing here, when I am supposed to study. Like, study.
Yan Sheng does not seem to be happy about me joining CO. Maybe I should have joined drama...?
Anyway thanks to Qinxi for telling me about C Cleaner. It's good XD
...I just wonder how the hell do I get motivation to write down all my inspirations. I need motivation, I want motivation. Someone give me that.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
AuditionSEA?!@ 3:27 AM
I was bored, luh. Playing o2jam early in the morning sucks. The number of players is pathetic. Very. Therefore I downloaded AuditionSEA. And the first thing they tell me is "Connection to server failed". 他妈的server error.
Should have bought more chemistry assessment books instead of math. Now I'm so gonna die for Lewis structures. Gonna find quizzes online to do.
Sometimes I feel like a porcelain doll.
Breakdowns@ 12:16 AM
I realised. I realised that in September 2007 I actually got like 3 complete breakdowns.
Zoo Tycoon is a nice way to waste time. Trust me. I was completely sleepless last morning, so I played Zoo Tycoon till 5am. And then I woke up at 7.20am. Ahaha.
Thank god my nose did not fall off. The flu and stuff were killing me.
Show me what it's like to dream in black and white, so I can leave this world tonight.--Unknown Soldier, Breaking Benjamin.
If it's a dream, remember it. If it's reality, appreciate it. In other words, be thankful no matter what. That's how I think. Hmm...
May be posting up some hurtful philosophical stuff in the next post.
Friday, March 21, 2008
True self@ 6:14 AM
So, you finally seen my true self huh.
Yes, I am someone who only wants attention, who only cries because she wants someone to hold her hand and that's all, who only knows how to worry her friends even more by running into the toilet, who only knows how to leech on other people's work and not researching at all, who only knows how to hear words of comfort and nothing else.
All these, all these, should be enough of you to hate me now. Or at least realise who I really am.
I'm sorry (actually I'm not sorry at all), but I'm just a lie, a mistake.
So there.
I just want your attention, really. There is nothing happening to me at all in fact. There is nothing disturbing on my mind at all! Everday I wake up and I come to school, everyday I return home and I go to sleep. There is nothing wrong with me at all! Don't you get it, I'm just a smaller version of a bitch.
So I just look that pitiful huh. Sorry, but I'm the wrong person. I hope it's not too later for you to realise this?
"Although I do realise something too. Which makes it more screwed up for me."
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Whee~~~@ 8:06 PM
The new South Park episode talks about the four boys bringing Britney Spears to the North Pole, and they reveal the secret behind her popularity...
Suddenly everything seems like it's just a nightmare. What if it's not? What if it's not a nightmare, but reality?
"I would love to lie down on that patch of grass, and count the number of stars in the night sky with you."
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Evil Angel@ 8:21 PM
Evil Angel--Breaking Benjamin Hold it together. Birds of a feather. Nothing but lies and crooked wings. I have the answer. Spreading the cancer. You are the faith inside me. No, Don't, leave me to die here. Help me survive here, alone. Don't Remember! Remember!
Put me to sleep, Evil Angel. Open your wings, Evil Angel. (Ahhh)
I'm a believer. Nothing could be worse. All these imaginary friends. Hiding betrayal. Driving the nail. Hoping to find a savior. No, don't, leave me to die here. Help me survive here, alone. Don't Surrender! Surrender!
Put me to sleep, Evil Angel. Open your wings, Evil Angel. (oohh) Fly over me, Evil Angel. Why can't I breathe, Evil Angel?
Put me to sleep, Evil Angel. Open your wings, Evil Angel. (oohh) Fly over me, Evil Angel. Why can't I breathe, Evil Angel?
The lyrics are just nice.
Will it ever end? It happened again, yes, it's the almost same situation, but this time there's no more hope. It's only doom, no matter what. It's only a matter of time. It's always a matter of time. Always.
Someone send me the full Symphonie Fantastique by Hector Berlioz and Symphony No. 3 in F Major by Brahms! Like please!
Monday, March 17, 2008
Don't dare to...@ 8:48 PM
I don't dare to think, I don't dare to talk, I don't dare to even type, I don't dare to even breathe.
That's how scary it is.
I tried my best to heed someone's advice and not to think about anything at all, but...it's just so hard. Everytime I tell myself not to think, everytime I think even more instead.
Suddenly I'm grateful for the love. I'm very grateful. Perhaps because he's been there for so long I actually I don't realise how blessed I am compared to other people.
"If I could, I want, and I will, lean onto your shoulder. Would you let me sleep on your shoulder?"
Ting introduced this movie to me, and well...I cried for 75% of the movie at least. The song at the end of the movie is nice, me want download T.T
EDIT: Just got it! It's called Tabidachi no Uta by Mr Children. Nice nice!=)
Me want to know who's the main character in the movie called. Cool white hair!!!
And yes, tonight I managed not to sleep! Feel like getting some Mcdonalds Delivery...McSpicy! XD
Friday, March 14, 2008
Shaman king!@ 8:55 PM
Lol Shaman King is nice. Interesting! *Only Manta always has this biiiiiiiiiiig mouth when he is surprised XD*
"One while I am pressing against the window and looking at the rain, the next while I realise there is no window and I am flying down the building."
I hope these daily "suicidal" thoughts -.- will let you get used to my blog.
I realised the day's coming soon, I haven't finish them yet, I so need to chiong, or else I will regret it!
South Park fans seem to expect a lot from the new season episode. Ratings are only 4.1/5.0 up to now. I say this because really good ones get 4.5/5.0.
Thanks to some people I'm beginning to like manga...goodness.
These days I'm sleeping more and more...in the afternoon. Like this how am I gonna survive Chinese on Monday?! *Yes March holidays, we know you are very short, and that is why we actually want to thank you for being so short.*
Trust me, people will be dying during the June holidays (not for those who get overseas trips...so lucky.)
Thursday, March 13, 2008
SP!@ 3:43 PM
SOUTH PARK ROCKS!
To cure AIDS with concentrate cash. Wow.
SOUTH PARK STILL ROCKS!
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Why are you stuck in my mind...?@ 5:36 PM
Why is my heart aching?
Because I realised I have to redo all the music quizzes again tomorrow just because it's due ON that day?
Because I realised that it's not the end?
Because I realised I realised too many things I shouldn't be realising for my age?
Because I realised that I realised what I shouldn't and did not realise what I should?
I feel like a joker of life. Oh how much I suck at cracking up jokes that are not even in the least lame.
1 day 16 hours to South Park Season 12, by the way.
UPDATE: 1 day 15 hours to South Park now. New episode information is out! Like YAY!
Shit I became fat. All the fats are showing up. Shit. Feeling fat sucks.
In love, remembering and forgetting are not what they seem to be.
"You are still in my heart. Which is why it hurts so much."
Monday, March 10, 2008
I need...@ 11:37 PM
I seriously don't know how long it will still last. I just need...I don't know? Someone? Anyone? No one?
How much I had wished to give you a reassurance. How much I had wished to stop letting you worry. But, I just can't.
"I'm afraid I'd become dependant of him. He still has his path to go, he still has his things to focus on...Wait, why am I saying the same things over and over again?"
I stare out of the window and...@ 1:07 PM
2 days 20 hours to South Park Season 12. I simply can't wait.
How good would it be if the cause of my death is "Self-deception".
All these is pressing down on me, how long can I withstand this pressure which keeps mocking at me for not being able to find it? I feel it, I cannot find it.
I look at her, I don't know how to help. I look at him, I don't know how to apologise. I look at all my friends, I don't know how to smile. I look at myself, I don't know what to do.
My mind is deceiving me, I know. My mind is soon gonna overtake my body.
"No matter how bad I feel, I still try my best to smile for you. But I just can't. I just hope you don't notice my tears. I just hope you don't notice the pain in me. Go your way, leave me alone. You can't possibly stay for me forever. I can't possibly let you comfort me every single time. It's time I handle it myself."
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Depression...?@ 7:30 PM
I keep telling myself this is impossible. I keep telling myself that there must be a way.
Everytime I look at it, I feel tears down my cheek. Everytime I think of it, I feel my heart beating like hell.
But what if it is destiny for me to let him go?
"Everytime I tell myself, this should be the end of it. I should let go of you after so long. But when I see you smile, when I feel your existence, I do not bear to let you go. I just do not bear. I am just so selfish, ain't I?"
Stories@ 10:41 AM
I listened in amusement as my mum tells me the story of my dad buying a soft-toy cat before going back to find her. According to my mum the cat looks like my dad.
So I asked her if it looks like me, and she says yes.
It's time to cheer, after moments of depression.
Saturday, March 8, 2008
RIP@ 9:32 PM
Family blog's dead. Private blog's dead. Yuan Han's blog's dead. Yan Sheng's blog's dead. Mine is actively dead.
Will blogskin makers stop making stupid blogskins about balloons and start making blogskins about math and science and acids? (Well, one did, and that's all I know)
Will people stop smoking so that health screening won't have stupid questions like "Did you smoke before?"
Will people shut up about me on Youtube or blogs or whatever fucking crap you can think of and just slap me like I'm a bitch?
Will people stop asking me to smile for the sake of smiling and just let me die in my illusions filled with love, dreams, math and nothing else?
If I live just to smile for other people, might as well skin my face off, stick it on that oily and sticky face of yours and smile all you want. If my face is unfortunately smelly, good luck to you.
I should add this to my wishlist: Death caused by consumption of flourosulfuric acid.
4 days to Season 12 of South Park. They should be more sadistic, hopefully.
Zombies have a miserable life, but isn't that what they live for? They live in order to have a miserable life. Ahaha. What a tragedy.
Once again, fuck off.
"Oh isn't she such a bitch? Look at her, she thinks she deserves him? Right. I wonder what is going on in his mind."
Friday, March 7, 2008
"Reflections"@ 9:57 PM
Not exactly reflections, more like brief feelings about random things.
1) When I heard about the 21 projects getting into the finals for the Science Centre thingy, I realised that the future is damn challenging.
2) When I was drawing my mind map for history, I realised that I should start revising, like now, before my brain lags behind all the freaking information hand-written by me in font size 10.
3) When I was writing my english essay, I realised that I am not Tricia or Su Hang or Yu Jia.
4) When I was eating my lunch, I realised that my bad temper from Primary 2 is back.
5) When Mr Lee was giving out the invitations to those who according to him, scored very high for AMC, I wondered whether they got distinction. Rembering the fact that I was 1 mark away from distinction, that is.
6) When I was rushing towards the Geog Elective classroom, I realised how much I don't look forward to this module.
7) When I was rushing for Track, I realised how much I don't look forward to Track.
8) When I was running the warm-up round for Track, I realised music does help to motivate people due to their lyrics.
9) When I got chased out by my direct junior as I got in the hall after Track, I realised that hating somene is universal.
10) When I was smashing my keyboard for o2mania from 6.20pm to 8pm in the school concourse today, I realised my fingers take a long, long time to warm up.
11) When Gregory Lau was asking me to take CO as second CCA this year and make it my main CCA next year, I was reminded of how stupid I was to listen to him and not join CO.
12) When I printed out what someone had asked me to print out, I stare at the piece of paper with weird questions imprinted on it and wondered why the hell I printed it out, what the hell I was thinking and reading all this while.
13) When I looked at the qualifying test, I realised I'm hopeless. And that I saved $4500, which is just enough to pay for the tuition cost for 6 credit hours for an undergraduate in Adelphi University. In Georgia State University it's $4994.
14) When I recalled myself doing Geometry on the bus 2 days before, I realised I still like Math the most. After primary school, the Math inside me has finally awoken, that is.
15) When I was typing this, I realised how demoralizing I can be. To myself.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
很大的洞@ 11:08 PM
那洞大得像陨石坑似的。
I became Jay Chou in FPS, so it's like..."Konichiwa, bo ku wa, 周杰伦 des."
I seriously don't know how the hell I looked like when I did that. Someone help me take photo tommorrow.
Come Home--One Republic [Verse 1]
Hello world Hope you're listening Forgive me if I`m young For speaking out of turn There`s someone I`ve been missing I think that they could be The better half of me They`re in their own place trying to make it right But I`m tired of justifying So i say you`ll..
[Chorus] Come home Come home Cause I`ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I`ve ever known So come home Oooh
[Verse 2] I get lost in the beauty Of everything i see The world ain`t as half as bad As they paint it to be If all the sons If all the daughters Stopped to take it in Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin It might start now..Yeahh Well maybe I`m just dreaming out loud Until then
[Chorus] Come home Come home Cause I`ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I`ve ever known Ever known So come home Oooh
[Interlude] Everything i can`t be Is everything you should be And that`s why i need you here Everything i can`t be Is everything you should be And that`s why i need you here So hear this now
[Chorus} Come home Come home Cause I`ve been waiting for you For so long For so long And right now there's a war between the vanities But all i see is you and me The fight for you is all I`ve ever known Ever known So come home Come home
All Fall Down--One Republic
Step out the door and it feels like rain That's the sound (that's the sound) on your window pane Take to the streets but you can't ignore That's the sound (that's the sound) you're waiting for
If ever your world starts crashing down Whenever your world starts crashing down Whenever your world starts crashing down That's where you'll find me
Yeah God love your soul and your aching bones Take a breath, take a step, meet me down below Everyone's the same our fingers to our toes We just can't get it right But we're on the road
If ever your will starts crashing down Whenever your will starts crashing down Whenever your will starts crashing down That's when you find me.
(Yeah) Lost till you're found Swim till you drown
Know that we all fall down Love till you hate Strong till you break Know that we all fall down
If ever your will starts crashing down Whenever your will starts crashing down If ever your will starts crashing down That's when you'll find (find) me
Lost till you're found Swim till you drown Know that we all fall down Love till you hate Strong till you break Know that we all fall down
All fall down, we all fall down, all fall down We all fall down, all fall down, all fall down
Lost till you're found Swim till you drown Know that we all fall down Love till you hate Strong till you break Know that we all fall down
No, I don't feel like sleeping at all. Even though I know I always say this, I always don't want to sleep, I always lie down on the stupid bed and fall asleep. I still don't feel like sleeping at all.
Isn't it time for another collaspe? Isn't it time for the heart to disassemble again?
I'm just fucking irritated these days. Now just fuck off.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
WTF@ 4:06 PM
I would need like $256 to buy all the Muderous Math books I found in Jurong East Popular Bookshop.
I feel cursed. More like people are cursed upon me. For more details, please feel free to not ask me.
Screwed for Physics test. In advance.
I chased myself out of the auditorium voluntarily, fearing that the damn fierce person will chase me out of the auditorium again. And, if he remembers me, die die.
Do they allow people to sit in? Do they allow poor wandering souls like me to have a temporary place to hang out, and appreciate the feelings of mankind? Do they allow aliens like me, who just wants to know someone, something, somewhere, to stay there for a short while before I return to my little planet, far far away from Earth?
Set The Fire To The Third Bar (with Martha Wainwright) lyrics
I find the map and draw a straight line Over rivers, farms, and state lines The distance from here to where you'd be It's only finger-lengths that I see I touch the place where I'd find your face My finger in creases of distant dark places
I hang my coat up in the first bar There is no peace that I've found so far The laughter penetrates my silence As drunken men find flaws in science
Their words mostly noises Ghosts with just voices Your words in my memory Are like music to me
I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground And I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms
After I have travelled so far We'd set the fire to the third bar We'd share each other like an island Until exhausted, close our eyelids And dreaming, pick up from The last place we left off Your soft skin is weeping A joy you can't keep in
I'm miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground And I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms
And miles from where you are, I lay down on the cold ground And I, I pray that something picks me up And sets me down in your warm arms
What is my aim, what do I yearn to achieve, by staying in school all the way till 7.15pm? What will be the outcome, what will be my fate, after I had stayed in school all the way till 7.15pm? I do not have an answer. You do not have the answer. We all do not have an asnwer.
Frozen hands, melting snow.
Who are we to decide fate? We do not decide fate. We ourselves is the fate. To live, or to die. The fate, is us.
My brain juices have been greatly not exploited on.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
After the leap day@ 9:50 PM
1st March. Right.
Yesterday was the last day we can go to Mcdonalds and crap and stuff, and so Wei Ren, Amanda and me went there for the last time ): (Yes, only 3 people, because Yan Sheng's dad came to fetch him T.T)
We had the first lick of the last vanilla cone (me), first two bites of last hamburger, etc, all recorded in photos. We even had one minute of silence. >.<. We also took a picture of our feet stepping out of Mcdonalds, and the poster about McDonalds closing down.
Sighs. Memories man, memories. McSpicy meal! Vanilla cones! All gone! Now the nearest place to get these for me is JEC=.=
Got French test today. Managable, except the part about using 4 or 5 prepositions to describe your bedroom. Then Dayna (I think), was like...must it be logical? Madame said yes, but I still asked her if I can have a computer under my bed, and she said no :(
I was planning to have penguins under my bed.
Who cares, French test was actually fun, though I forgot all the conjugations. Again.
Favourite artists: LINKIN PARK! Jay Chou. Evanescence. Snow Patrol. One Republic Boys Like Girls Eminem Slipknot Dragonforce *waiting to be influenced by more people* XD
Dedicated to people like Wei Ren: Linkin Park still pwns the most, I don't care, they are the only band which makes me scream. So there.