Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Fuck it all @ 10:42 PM
I know no one reads my blog anymore.
So.

Fuck it all.
Whatever I do does not fucking matter in the end, because no one else fucking cares.
I thought there would be people standing alongside me.
Ends up I was too fast for them, too far away for them to catch up.
So they don't bother in the end.

Then why do I still fucking bother?
Why do I fucking bother practise? Why do I fucking bother trying not to cry when no one else is even looking at me in the first place?

Why do I fucking bother concerning myself with others' matters when they don't even fucking respond to my concerns?
Yes, 1 less concern from ME does not mean much.

Negligible yea.
Fuck it. Time and again I tell myself, I need to try just a bit more, I need to push myself just a little further.

Even after I tried, and then I failed, I then blame myself and assume that I did not do much. Thus I should do more.

This is how I have to fucking motivate myself. To tell myself that I've not done much.
And I end up burning myself to ashes (which have to re revived forcefully by the world).

The others are still shining brightly. Without me.

Thanks for making me realise how little difference I make. At least I won't have to worry so much when I am not with you anymore.

Because without me, everything will go on just as fine, right?

Why do I fucking bother convincing myself that everything will be alright, when someone else already gave up from the start?

Bye.