Wednesday, December 10, 2008
@ 9:01 AM
No one understands how I am dying. No one. There is no way I can trust anyone anymore.

I just want to find someone to trust myself on. No way. So foolish. So naive.

Of course, I wasn't worth the effort and time. Since when?

You don't want me hurt? You never mean it.

Or am I just turning more into my mum?

No one gets it, because no one gets the 'my mum' part. Even if I wish someone could help me, that someone is unavailable. I don't even think that someone will see my blog anymore.

You will not bother to console me anymore.

Who was the one who said last time, to call you if I need to?

Or perhaps, the hurt caused by you need NOT by healed by you? Are you pushing the responsibility of healing me to others?

Then might as well say you don't know me. Fine.

You hate me, don't you. I know I am a bitch. I know I am not worth it. Simply not.

So no matter how hard I try to read math, no matter how hard I try to get it, no matter how hard I supress myself from screaming at you for 9 days, it doesn't matter to anyone?

Fine.

I know I am not worth it. Stop your "not-saying-anything" fucking bullshit just to hide those words from me. Stupid, clumsy, fierece, violent, vulgar, useless, cheap, flirty. What else.

I am foolish lar.

You expect me to well, read research papers for 24/7 for the whole of the fucking school holidays? Fine.

Since you don't bother to console me anymore, fine. That means you will approve of me dying lar. You don't bother anyway, so it does not make a difference.

I hate myself.