Saturday, October 13, 2007
Once upon a time... @ 5:37 PM
There was someone who don't feel like updating the blog, and don't know what to update the blog with.

Do have to admit, that these days I really feel tired. First time ever I felt so stressed, so stressed that I break a pen just by throwing it. And it is all thanks to Geography project. More like thanks to the group I was assigned to.

I tried to co-operate with him just only and only this project. Yet all I get is that cold look, all I get is no response. I understand why he hates me and avoids me, I don't care, but can't he just co-operate for a while with a project? Why make things so hard for him and me? (actually he is making life hard for me much more) He knows that carrying on like this will not bring any good to the project. If I had a choice, I would want to back out too, but this is a project, you can't expect me to sit there and stare in the air doing nothing, right?

I also know that my class guys seek me as a retarded loser. To them this whole gang of people I hang out with are just a bunch of losers.

If it was last time (primary school), I may still attack back, And probably things will get better the next time round. But in this case it is different. No matter how much you struggle, no matter how much you try, no matter how much you work hard and try to look "more like it", you will always fail.

Newton's third law states that for every action, an equal but opposite reaction will happen. But people just defy this law. Humans (or specifically humans' nature) just defy this law. No matter how much force I apply, I will always fail.

It's like a solitary bird that wants to soar far away and fly, but end up falling to the ground.
And...
It always falls no matter how hard it tried.

If I am not wrong, I think my impression on boys in this school is that I have a complete bitch attitude. Hard to please, complains about almost anything, rough, screamy, fake, emo, hypocritical, act cute, COMPLETELY bad at studies, shouts like mad woman, etc etc.

I really wonder whether I am seeing my true self. Is this what I truly am? If it is, why it just seems so fake to me? Why it just seems like a loser shouting for attention, only to get more people to hate it? Why my true self just seems like a rotten body, waiting to be thrown away?

I always thought I am a strong person. Who knows I actually am such a weakling?

Whether I want to give up or not is one question. Whether they want to accept me or not is completely another story.

I just want people to be honest with me: Am I just who I am, or am I a complete rubbish, showing its rotten shell to the public?